GUYSSSSS IT’S FINALLY TIME

Every six months or so since 2021, I’d pause and go, “Man, do I need to do another Emotia drawing?”
But nothing was coming to me, and nothing was coming to me. For a few years, I felt like I was in a good place but it was idle. I was getting things done and growing my roots but largely remaining where I had been.

Looking back at What Little Hope I Have I Hold For You, it’s hard to think about how challenging the last five or ten years have been as far as managing finances, getting through school, surviving a pandemic, becoming a parent, breaking my back, losing an ovary… Yeah, things were rough hahah.

It’s hard to believe that, the last time I did one of these, I wasn’t even a published author. I hadn’t even written Deny Me.

Becoming an author has been a huge shift, in ways that have been both beautiful and devastating. Putting my words out there for all to see and absorb and criticize has been at times a source of regret and uncertainty, but also, so often, inspiration and joy. It’s been strange that, not only have I left my mark on many patients who have come through my therapy office, but folks have fallen in love with my imaginary worlds. To the point that they appear in front of me holding my books in their hands to tell me how much they loved it, to ask for my goddamn signature, to squeal out and exclaim when I give them stupid little freebies that I never thought were much of a big deal at all. To the point that I have been asked to moderate not one but two events for authors at a bookstore that has had my back since the day that Deny Me came out and I did my first reading wearing a mask because I had gotten covid for the first time and didn’t know it bahahah.

Being five years into my post-grad career has brought a lot of ups and downs but generally a lot of good. A lot of steady, thoughtful growth that hasn’t been rushed. Many folks have trusted me with their stories in session with me, whether they have become my diehard group who has been with me since day one, or whether their time with me was more like a firework.

I have applied for and gotten rejected from a doctoral program, which completely shifted my short-term career goals while setting me on a path to try again over the next five or ten years knowing that that’s still a skill set I want to add to my life. I also think it allowed me to veer off onto a path I’ve been dreaming about since before grad school, and that’s starting to come to fruition.

So yeah…

Design-wise, this is a color palette I’ve been really digging a lot lately. This is close to the original design I was going for but not the first draft. I did a lot of painting before I restarted and went lineart first. I mostly tried to incorporate some of the oldest Emotia themes, hence the cracks in the skin (now mostly repaired with kintsugi and broken open just to display more light), the workboots, the lightbulb obviously. New thematic elements are my brain and technically the faerie-style wings but they’re offshoots of the feathers from earlier images. The fiery swirls is an offshoot from i do believe in new beginnings too.

I carry a light within me, but i have plenty to spare

The Years Before